Guest Writer: Reagan Scott
Prior to getting married, my idea of a virtuous woman was largely shaped by the world. At the time, I thought “doing it all” was the prerequisite for being virtuous. I had a feministic view of what my life might look like: marriage, a successful career, and a few children.
I watched every other adult woman in my life do it. They waited to get married until they had a career lined up. They waited to have children until they were “established” in their marriages. They only had as many children as would allow them to continue working a full time job and climb the corporate ladder. The only stay at home moms I knew sent their children to private school while they did whatever they wanted all day. Homeschooling was virtually unheard of. Biblical parenting was a foreign concept.
The cultural understanding, even within the church, is that you can and should control every outcome. You can do whatever you want to do that fulfills you and have children, too. You can just “wash your face,” become the boss babe of your empire, and God will work it all out in the end. Every example of virtue I had as young woman was almost exclusively shaped by the world. With my nose to the grindstone and prayers that sounded like a Christmas wishlist, I was deceived into believing that I could rely on my own strength and have everything I wanted to be my own version of virtue, too.
It wasn’t until I was married and attending a biblically sound church that I began to reconsider. Suddenly, the Lord convicted me of all the things I thought I wanted. My prayers slowly shifted, and I found myself actually trusting in God’s sovereignty over my life. I found myself praying for His will rather than my own. I accepted the fact that I was merely a creature whose purpose was to serve my Creator, and my desires became more shaped by scripture and centered on the purpose for which God created me. Suddenly, all I really wanted to do was be a wife and a mother. I wanted to serve my husband, make a home, and have as many children as the Lord would allow. I learned to hold loosely all the things I thought I wanted, and I was sanctified immensely when the things I held too tightly were taken away.
The culture insists that a mother’s fulfillment comes through self-actualization. It demands that a child’s needs must bend to a parent’s ambitions or their “personal journey.” It says strength looks like control — control over outcomes, schedules, image, and identity. It depends on the self for all things, denies the reality that choices and decisions do have massive long-term consequences on children, and puffs up with pride the woman who believes “doing it all” makes her the image of virtue.
Not only do we have principles written all throughout Scripture that tell us otherwise, but we also have multiple examples of virtuous women we can look to who lived out those principles in faith. These women loved, raised, and surrendered their children to the Lord, even in the midst of uncertainty they could not control. While the unbelieving mother uses worldly means to navigate angst, comparison, and the pressure to have it all figured out, we can see through the following five portraits of ordinary women how God helped them to relinquish their control and trust Him through every uncertainty.
Jochebed: The Mother Who Relinquished Control
When the wicked ruler, Pharaoh, ordered that every Hebrew baby boy should be killed, Jochebed found herself living a mother’s greatest fear. A death sentence had been issued against her own son, Moses, and for three months, she hid him. We can imagine the constant state of fear she must have been living in, knowing that her son could be discovered at any moment. We can imagine the sleepless nights, the panic that someone might hear his cries, and the looming anxieties every time safety was weighed against meeting familial needs.
When hiding him was no longer possible, Jochebed resolved to surrender her baby boy. She waterproofed a basket in which to secure her son, and placed him on the Nile River, trusting the Lord with the outcome.
Jochebed knew she could no longer guarantee her son’s safety, and she relinquished control over her family’s situation to the Lord. Mothers today are faced with a similar challenge. Although our fears today may not be quite so harrowing, we have deceived ourselves into believing that we have control over outcomes that really belong to God. We often think that we can control the hearts of our children, their behavior, how people influence them, or even their safety, but the virtuous woman knows that none of those things are within her control. The virtuous woman continues to act in faith, despite fear she cannot resolve. She knows that while she does everything in her power to be her child’s refuge, the fate of her child belongs to Him.
Hannah: The Mother Who Prayed
Hannah’s years of grief over infertility are rarely discussed with the weight they deserve. We read in 1 Samuel 1:10, 16 that she wept before the Lord “bitterly,” pouring out her “great anxiety and grief” year after year. Her son, Samuel, was not simply granted to her, rather, he was the fruit of sustained, honest lament to the Lord. And when Samuel was given to her, she did something that would shock anyone steeped in modern parenting culture today: she gave him back.
“For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” – 1 Samuel 1:28
While the world views children as extensions of parental identity and achievement, Hannah’s story demonstrates that her son was never hers to keep in the first place. So often, we are tempted to believe that the success, behavior, or even existence of our children is a measure of our worth. We consciously (or subconsciously) feel a need to prove ourselves, and, if we are not careful, our identity can quickly become inextricably intertwined with our children.
But the virtuous woman knows that everything she is given comes from the Lord and is for the Lord. Hannah knew that Samuel was a gift entrusted to her for a season, and one that she was not owed or promised. Upon receiving the long-awaited answer to her prayers, she demonstrated her most sincere love for him and for her Heavenly Father by returning Samuel to his Creator. As we wrestle against control, identity, or even the ache of infertility and loss, Hannah models for us not only how to honestly grieve and lament, but also how to let go of our perceived rights, demands, and desires and submit them to the Lord.
Naomi: The Mother Who Mentored
We can imagine the well of suffering Naomi was enduring after the death of her husband and both of her sons. We can even consider how we might respond in such a situation. We might be consumed by grief and feelings of hopelessness; we might experience loneliness or even struggle to remain faithful altogether; we might feel apathetic, depressed, and really wrestle with the reality that the Lord is using our circumstances for good.
Naomi may very well have experienced some of these feelings, but she selflessly and obediently poured into Ruth, despite her grief. She taught her, counseled her, provided wisdom for her future, and ultimately guided her toward Boaz, her husband.
When we read about the Titus 2 woman in verses 3-5, it’s tempting to believe that this is a woman who has it all together. We assume she is wise because she reads her Bible, she always has peace in her home, and her children enjoy her cooking, hospitality, and gifting without complaint. We never consider that the Titus 2 woman actually might be a woman in the midst of painful suffering, too.
The virtuous woman doesn’t have to have her life fully resolved before she can mentor, disciple, or influence the next generation. She doesn’t need to avoid teaching scripture to her children because she is struggling in her own personal walk or feeling inadequate. Naomi’s example shows us that we are called to mentor our children and the spiritual children God places in our lives regardless of the presence or absence of pain. We are required faithfulness, even in the midst of it. And only by the strength and grace of God could Naomi model the charge of Titus 2 from a place of weakness and grief.
Mary: The Mother Who Obeyed When it Was Costly
Mary’s obedience is often viewed very matter-of-factly, but it actually was very costly, both socially and personally. An unmarried, pregnant woman in her time faced shame, possible abandonment by Joseph, and an uncertain and consequential future. She was likely tempted to be fearful, but we can see in scripture her willingness to obey without hesitation. Her words in Luke 1:38, “let it be to me according to your word,” was an active, willing submission to a plan she did not choose and could not fully understand.
For mothers facing unplanned pregnancies, special-needs diagnoses, or any calling that wasn’t “the plan,” Mary demonstrates the heart posture we should have in walking in obedience, no matter the cost of comfort, reputation, or certainty. In fact, this is the obedience we require of our children. How much more should we be an example to them that Mary is to us?
The virtuous woman doesn’t have to plan her steps. She knows that the Lord plans them for her, and all that is required of her is faithful obedience, even when it is costly.
The Proverbs 31 Woman: The Diligent Steward
It’s tempting to view the Proverbs 31 woman as a caricature with an impossible checklist of qualities to possess, but read rightly, Proverbs 31 reveals that she is a picture of diligent stewardship rather than perfectionism. She works with her hands, manages her household, and is honored by her children and husband, not because she did everything, but because she stewarded what was entrusted to her with wisdom and strength (Proverbs 31:10-31).
For mothers today drowning in comparison, drinking from the fountain of curated motherhood on social media with the pressure to optimize every part of home and parenting, Proverbs 31 is actually a relief. It is not a productivity standard, rather it is a picture of a woman whose labor flows from the fear of the Lord. The Proverbs 31 woman views every task in front of her as an act of worship–even the tiny, mundane ones. Her work is not a proof of her worth, rather, it is what the Lord has given her to do. Her heavenly, eternal reward is not based on all of the good work she does, rather, it is her faith in and reverence for God that is demonstrated by her work. Her diligence and wisdom she uses to steward her home is simply an overflow of her love for Him.
The world’s idea of the virtuous woman is one who controls her circumstances, curates her image, and derives her identity from her children’s success or her own achievement. It is a model built on self-sufficiency, but it will inevitably break under grief, uncertainty, or a life that doesn’t go as planned. It was never built to survive those things, anyway.
Each of these five women faced realities more severe than most of the anxieties we experience today, but each woman is remembered, not for how well she controlled her outcome, but for how faithfully she entrusted it to God. Her strength was never her own, but His. He equipped her, sustained her, strengthened her, and gave her the wisdom and the faith to walk through every one of her circumstances. Throughout all generations, the virtuous mother is never the one who has everything managed, but she is the mother whose hope is anchored in the God who works through her weakness to reveal His glory to her and through her. He is always faithful to hold together what we cannot.
